Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
