and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There r osticjed everywhere
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
