yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
