you have to choose: penises or morals?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
What a dumb baby whore.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
