guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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