I accidentally had phone sex last night
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
