Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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