he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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