honey bunches of taint.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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