im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
