is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
