Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
