i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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