I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
