You're completely useless in the revolution.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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