Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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