just tell him i said nine months
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
