OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
