hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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