i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
