she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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