I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Houston, we have a blender
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
