I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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