What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
