At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
