he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
