I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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