dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
