it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize