he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
