just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
