Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
