I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This is the high leading the old right now
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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