everyone is single if you try hard enough
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
