Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize