She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
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