dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize