I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
