making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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