come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
