All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
