Define "chronic" masturbator.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
