whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
