It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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