i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
