I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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