I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
