there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
