on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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