I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
