you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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