How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
