I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
