we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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