I think I am morally bankrupt
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
