She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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