he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i need some magic done to my vagina
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
