I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think my vagina is haunted
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
