If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
