I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
