I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
