I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
This house was built for laser tag.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
