Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you had me at cake vodka
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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