So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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