Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
