please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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