where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
