just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
