...so i touched it.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
