Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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