When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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