you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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