My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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