How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
