i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
