and you said cock pushups were impossible
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
